Slowing it down

I just returned from the BATS studio in the Mission in San Francisco after what was an uplifting class. This despite the fact that I was stuck in traffic earlier in the day for 2 hours and then went to the wrong venue and then showed up for class an hour late. Learning improvisation reminds me time and again to slow it down. Deal with one thought at a time. That way life is never an overwhelming and draining effort. I experienced this while being stuck in traffic. The thing that causes the maximum amount of stress is the apprehension and abject fear of what will happen when you eventually get to class. The ears turning slightly red when you walk in, everyone turns to look for a moment or two and notices that you’re an hour late. That awkward muttering of an apology to the coach. Whereas in truth, its all entirely in my own head. People may notice that I was an hour late but they don’t attach to that occurrence the weight that I do. They have their own minor things to fill their stress budget. What will the coach think? All this races through your mind as you are stuck in traffic and its all utterly and completely pointless. There is not a goddamn reason that you shouldn’t be enjoying the San Francisco scenery as you drive rather briskly to class. Its not gonna make one bit of a difference as to what your attitude is here. If at all, by not being stressed you might have a chance at entering the class with a cheerful demeanor not dilapidated by tension. Anyway…. After expertly managing stress, I feel uplifted enough to write and its 11:21 pm. Impressive for me. I’m awake enough to actually read and process coherently The Camera, by Ansel Adams. There is something about reading the wisdom of masters that brings to you a wave of fresh perspective in life which washes over the wounds that you’ve inflicted on yourself by being insecure and fearful for your future. Get this:

The next time you pick up the camera think of it not as an inflexible automatic robot, but as a flexible instrument which you must understand to properly use. An electronic and optical miracle creates nothing on its own! Whatever beauty and excitement it can represent exist in your mind and spirit to begin with.

I’m filled with a sense of great wonder to know that Ansel Adams wrote these in 1980, a year before I was born in Carmel,CA which is an hour’s drive away from where I lie right now. To think of a typical journey in photography of the modern enthusiast. I don’t think I’ve ever stopped to consider the moment when I pick up the camera. Never considered what a beautiful tool it is and never bothered to first inquire as to its function. Instead there is the endless subscriptions to magazines, blogs, reviews, flickr accounts, flickr pro-accounts. The feverish seeking for the opinion of others who in turn sought the opinion of others further upstream. Though I value my camera greatly, I never relate to it. Though expensive, it is forever falling short of my expectations to produce an image of sufficient quality. After the initial excitement of a new purchase it is relegated to being an item that I wait to replace with an acquisition newer still. The quality of images increases by a small increment with the latest model but I never find the joy of bringing a picture of the mind to life. Hearing Adams utter these words hit me like a wall. It brought into focus the nervous tension of achievement and one-upmanship that permeates my entire attitude to photography. It slowed me down. Brought to me that moment of truth when I pick up the camera. The Camera, which must occupy a place of honor in the mind of a photographer as the instrument through which his creativity will breathe a breath of brilliant life. It reminded me, just like improv does, that creativity pulsates inside me with every breath but we must undertake with all of our being to embrace and unravel the craft, the instrument into which we blow this breath before it makes that sweet sublime sound that moves the very soul.